Learning how to regulate while travelling

After leaving Tilcara, I took the bus to Humahuaca. I had quite a few plans for this place, but once I arrived I was already struggling a little. The altitude was bothering me, my allergies were back again and the hostel was quite overwhelming, with lots of people, stuff everywhere and not much space to retreat.

The first day was actually okay. I went along with things not going exactly the way I had imagined, and in the evening I met up with some people I had met in Tilcara to watch the football game. This time I could speak English, which already made things a little less exhausting.

After the game, they invited me to see the celebration in the centre of Humahuaca, and although I could already feel myself getting tired and overstimulated after a while, I decided to stay because I was curious to see the party and also felt a little obligated to pay back a beer an American guy had bought for me earlier that evening.

I’m actually glad I stayed, because it was a nice evening and I did enjoy myself, but it definitely took its toll the next day.

I didn’t sleep very well because of the allergies and the altitude, and during the night people were talking and kissing in the room until 3 am. When I woke up, I felt awful: exhausted, annoyed by my allergies and completely overwhelmed by the people and everything happening around me. I had wanted to do something touristy that day, but I just didn’t have the energy.

Instead, I sat in the garden for a while with rain sounds playing in my headphones and did some Qi Gong movements, trying to calm myself down. It helped a little, but at some point even hearing another person talk became almost unbearable. I knew I needed space, so I went to reception and asked if they could move me to a private room, but unfortunately they were full.

I tried to work in the garden, but I couldn’t concentrate anymore, so eventually I took my laptop and went to a restaurant I already knew from my first day. It was quiet, there weren’t many people, there were no bright lights and the acoustics were good, so I knew it was somewhere I could hopefully calm down.

It took a while, and eventually I started crying.

I really wanted a hug, but that’s one of the difficult things about travelling alone. Sometimes you don’t need advice or someone to solve anything for you; you just need someone to sit next to you and give you a hug. Since I didn’t have anyone there, I found my own little ways of giving myself some physical comfort. I gently caressed my face, moved my hair away as if someone else was doing it and massaged my legs a little. It sounds a bit strange, but somehow it helped.

After a while, I decided to walk around and went back to a spot I had found on my first day, close to the memorial statue. It felt like I was far away from everyone, surrounded by nature, looking out over the mountains with the sun on my back and the sound of birds and the wind around me. I let my emotions go and just cried for a moment, and slowly I could feel the tension in my body dial down.

While I was sitting there, I realised that I’m still learning how to regulate myself when travelling. I’m learning to recognise when I’m getting overwhelmed and, perhaps more importantly, what actually helps me calm down again. Sometimes that means putting my headphones in and listening to rain sounds; sometimes it means going somewhere I already know is quiet, because the familiarity and predictability help me feel more at ease; sometimes it means going outside into nature, moving my body, eating, sleeping, crying or simply doing absolutely nothing for a while.

I don’t always have to understand exactly why I’m feeling terrible before I can do something that helps. I can simply listen to what my body is telling me and respond to it, even when that means changing my plans or admitting that I don’t have the energy to do what I had originally planned.

The next day I decided to book a tour to Hornocal. Partly because I really wanted to see it, but also because having something booked gives me an external push when I’m struggling with task paralysis. An Australian guy I had met a few days earlier had given me the number of a tour operator, so all I had to do was send a WhatsApp message, and knowing that someone would be waiting for me was enough to get me moving.

The next day I went to Hornocal. I was tired and hungry, but as soon as I arrived and saw the mountains, I forgot about everything else for a while. I took pictures, enjoyed the view and felt completely present again. When we got back to Humahuaca, the first thing I did was find food.

I think that’s one of the things travelling is teaching me: I don’t always need to push through when things become too much, but I also don’t have to give up on the things I want to do. Sometimes I just need to pause, figure out what my body needs and give myself the space to regulate before I continue.

I’m still learning, but I’m getting better at listening to myself.

Maybe travelling isn’t only about discovering new places.

Maybe it’s also about discovering what you need in order to experience them.